I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
