If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I love you.
Bad choice
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