We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
