Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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