Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
