Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
