I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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