i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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