i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
