Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
