I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize