If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
