It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
