I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just threw up on my dentist
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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