she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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