I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize