I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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