Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
it glows. i had to have it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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