if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
