i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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