I just pynch a tree in the face
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
