FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
