Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
