at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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