she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
