First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
