nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
