The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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