Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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