Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
