i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize