Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
