i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
