operation harelip BJ is a go
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
