If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
