No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
