guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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