Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
