she woke up with a sticky ear
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize