Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
COCAINE IS GR8
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
