whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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