Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
