I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
