Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
