she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She told me I should be a condom model.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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