so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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