You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
