I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
