I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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