I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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