How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
