I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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