booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is wine microwaveable?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
