I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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