Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
