oh god the rape fog is back!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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