Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
