Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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