There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
