why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
