I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
