Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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