So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
