Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
