im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
