my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
