My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
