haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
