Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
