Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
