She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
