five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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