My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
