yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
