Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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