he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
