Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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