Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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