I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she smelled like a LAN party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
