That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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