So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
