Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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