i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
